我用我的语言来说你熟悉了的故事

音乐最大的魅力在于，同样的一个故事由不同的人来说，有完全不一样的味道。说起来这是理所当然的：毕竟每一个人的生活历练都不同，对事情的看法当然也都迴然相异。
不过基本上，古典音乐和爵士音乐有着不同的出发点。简单来说，聆听古典音乐是在听起来一样的音符世界里面寻找不同点；而爵士音乐则是在听起来完全不一样的音符世界里面找到一样的定点。

聆听古典音乐，大体上是从听起来相同的音乐当中寻找每个不同版本的异同。古典音乐家的演奏是不会任意加入乐谱以外的音符的，不然就会被抨击到体无完肤。在贝多芬以前的作曲家是会让演奏家在协奏曲(Concerto)当中炫耀自己的技艺，而将Cadenza 留给演奏家自由发挥。贝多芬憎恨这样的自由而将Cadenza 也写下来，禁止任何人即兴（不怪得他的脾气那么坏）。同样的，贝多芬之前的作曲家也大多会让演奏家自己决定音乐的表情，大小声，速度等都让音乐家们自己决定；之后的作曲家都将这些自由统统收回来。所以作曲家和演奏家这两个职业越来越分开，变成截然两回事了。是以演奏古典音乐作品是以忠实于作曲家的意愿为根本的。甚至极端一点的音乐考古学家会追溯和推测作曲家的作曲意念，希望能够发掘出已经消失人世几百年了的想法。古典音乐基本上就是得忠实于乐谱上写的音符来演奏，虽然这些音符可能在数百年前就已经用鹅毛笔在蜡烛的光芒中就写下了。当然乐谱记载的方式很大程度上只有重现作曲家大概的想法而已，许多的表情等等都没有办法忠实的记载下来。

那么演奏家自己的人格想法呢？就得在这些已经定格了的音符当中烙印入自己的思想了。

所以听古典音乐的演奏，我们听的是相同的音符，可是却由不同的人格发声。如果用演讲来打个比方，Martin Luther King 的著名演讲: I Have A Dream：

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.


当然由原讲者Martin Luther King 来说的话，气派澎湃，意境万千。
那么想像如果是由甘地来讲呢？可能就是温文尔雅的了。
如果曼德拉演讲这段子，可能就慢慢的，很有耐性的（当然是带有南非腔啦）
如果是小布什讲的话可能只会惹人暗笑吧（嘻嘻嘻）
而我国现有伟大的政客说出来，可能没有人会相信吧。

不同的演讲者在演讲这个稿的时候，他们并不会加入讲稿以外的句子。他们可能会说错一两个字，或者在不同的地方停顿，在语气上抑扬顿挫有所不同。不过最重要一环还是他们对这个讲稿的解读，以他们各自的知性来带出他们各自认为重要的部分，来把这个演讲稿的精神最好的带出来。这是古典音乐的特性：我们得在很多个听起来一样版本（因为演奏者都不可以偏离作曲家写下的音符）当中找出不同点。

因为刚刚听了内田光子Mitsuko Uchida 在Carnegie Hall 弹奏的Schubert 最后三部钢琴奏鸣曲，于是这里选出好几个不同版本的Schubert 的最后 Piano Sonata in Bb Major D960, 第一乐章来做比较：

俄国钢琴家Sviatoslav Richter 弹奏的，是那么的慢：

Arthur Rubinstein 的 版本：

Clifford Curzon 的版本：

Maurizio Pollini 的版本：

Horowitz 的版本：

说真的，如果初略听一下，不太能够分得出来到底差别很大在哪里。当然像Richter 的版本就和其他版本速度上差很多。不过对熟悉这曲目的人来说，欣赏古典音乐最享受之处就在从这些小小的异同处，寻找乐趣。每个版本都是各自的小宇宙啊！

有心人甚至剪辑了以下这个视频，将八个不同版本的Schubert D960 的第一旋律做比较： 八位钢琴家分别是： 

1 Alfred Brendel

2 Vladimir Horowitz
3 Clifford Curzon
4 Clara Haskill
5 Artur Schnabel
6 Andreas Staier (Hammerklavier)
7 Sviatoslav Richter
8 Maria Judina

说起来，虽然每一位钢琴家都在看着同样的一份乐谱（Schubert 在1839年写下，去世后十年才出版之后大体上都不改的墨迹），可是弹奏出来的却可以有着不同的呼吸，不同的印象，不同的速度，不同的小宇宙。音乐的世界追求的就是如此的个人世界观，不是吗？

那么爵士音乐则出发点非常不一样了：
同样一首曲子，由不同的音乐家来演绎的话，出来的音符一定是不一样的。这是爵士乐演奏的前提，如果你尽量每个音符都符合前人所演奏过的版本的话，这很难被称为爵士乐。

这里的例子是大家都非常熟悉的曲子，Somewhere Over the Rainbow，原版是从电影Wizard of Oz 里面，饰演Dorothy 的 Judy Garland 演唱的：

相比一下，以下几个版本，每一位演唱者都会以自己的世界观来演绎这首名曲，没有一位演唱者是以模仿Judy Garland 为荣的。

Jane Monheit: 她演唱的版本是加入了Refrain 部分的

Ray Charles：他的版本非常的Ray Charles，Soul 十足

Frank Sinatra: Swing 十足的Frank Sinatra

Eva Cassidy: 她的版本算是经典了。注意她的唱法简直就是将Somewhere Over the Rainbow 的旋律完全解体再重建，给予我们一个完全不同的彩虹。这是Somewhere Over the Rainbow 吗？是，不过这是Eva Cassidy 的彩虹。

Keith Jarrett: 三个不同的演奏版本： Tokyo, La Scala, 和 London。同一位演奏家，同一首曲子，不同的音乐世界。

Art Pepper:

浩荡的音乐世界，充彻着不同的观点，视角，哲学，审美观。可是似乎很重要的是，每一位有着自我尊敬心的音乐家都不会以完全模仿为荣；反而各自都在寻找自己的声音，自己的小宇宙。

当然在综艺节目上面以模仿不同艺人声线表情为业的表演艺术家，当然是另当别论的。可是如果世界是充彻这样的艺人的时候，这个世界是否出了问题？ 如果要听鹦鹉学舌，为什么不直接去听原版的呢？

音乐世界（甚至所有的表演艺术，广义衍生到所有人类的行为）的精彩在于每个人的看法不同，是以他们的艺术都有个人的风格存在。艺术当然是从模仿开始的，然后再从模仿当中创造，这就是艺术必须建立在传统之上。不过有的人将他们的看法精炼成为超越平庸，是以我们将这些超越的人捧上艺术家的宝座，崇拜他们。

不管是爵士音乐，古典音乐，还是摇滚，饶舌，蓝调；如果总是模仿的话，世界是不会如此多姿多彩的。创造吧！

泪的小雨

在之前说过的“泪的小雨”，这里做个比较：

邓丽君的版本：

何芸妮的版本：

爵士乐追求的永远都不是模仿，而是在已经杰出的音乐上面建构自己的看法，自己的主见，自己的世界。那新的版本是一定强过旧的版本吗？那又是见仁见智的了。我们并不主张新的一定好，这不是Darwinism生物学，这是艺术。不过还是强调的是，如果一定要模仿，那我倒不如去听原版的更好。

Jazz Cover of Beatles

I have to admit, covering Beatles tunes ain't never easy. Some of their tunes SHOULD sound like how they did it, period. Some of their songs are easier to be covered than others, usually they are lyrical and more conventional in terms of harmony, melody contour, and instrumentation. But Jazz musicians just wouldn't give up trying, and that's the spirit of jazz, ain't it? There is even a few Beatles jazz albums out there, most notably is a compilation done by GRP: The Beatles Tribute, An All Stars Celebration.

There are also quite a numbers of Beatles covers that I've enjoyed, some are pure magic, some are quite pleasant, some are passable.

And I Love Her (Diana Krall) From above mentioned album:

Stylish, Elegant, Lyrical. I've came to know this particular version many years ago, and still enjoy it tremendously. Midnight Jazz kind of feeling, smoky and sensuous.

Brad Mehldau has got to be the Messiah for Jazz Piano Trio, when he first came out in the late 90s. He attracted a lot of attention updating the repertoire of jazz by including many tunes that he heard while growing up, outside of the mainstream jazz repertory. He covered tunes by Beatles, Radiohead, Oasis, Verve, Nick Drake, Paul Simon, Sound Garden, Pink Floyd, Massive Attack, just to name a few. Maybe it didn't really started from him (Herbie Hancock did a whole album of 'New Standards' in 1996, covering Rock tunes. Definitely worth collecting) but from him onward we have seen the Piano Trio format came back to the forefront of mainstream Jazz scene. There are also a trend of covering unconventional tunes by many jazz bands.

Here are several versions of Brad Mehldau's treatment of Beatles tunes that I like a lot:

Blackbird (Brad Mehldau) From The Art of the Trio Vol I:

I love this particular song from Beatles's White album, always find it to be heart warming, and the unusual harmony color, even that little wing fluttering sound in the middle of the song could make my heart leap. Paul's voice is also so gentle and lovely. Love this one! Here is some interesting fact about the song. The harmony is inspired by Bach! Damn it, this whole musical legacy is just so damn interesting, proud to be a little part of this whole legacy! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackbird_(song))

Another tune from the White Album. This is my favorite albums from the Beatles legacy, which I have spent my teens listening to no less than a hundred times in the span of half year's time. At first, Martha My Dear just feel like a weird song, the way the melody goes and the harmony, seems to be at odd. The brass arrangement was really quite out for my ears at the time as well. But I came to embrace every songs in the album and appreciate every notes in there. When I first heard this version from Brad in 2007, it was another rude awakening as well. What the hell! What is going on here!!! But with my friend's insistence, I listened to it a few more times, Wow! The whole Left Hand Right Hand coordination, the contrapuntal playing, the unusual modulations, the discords and resolutions, damn! This is the shit!

You just got to give it to him, that he redefined Jazz piano, set another high goal for everyone after him to attain. He definitely change the sound of jazz, when most people at the time thoughts jazz is dead (Jazz had been announced dead too many times over the years. Some people claimed it is not dead, just smelled funny. But from a musician's perspective and from listening to what is available out there, Jazz can't be more alive and kicking, and Thriving!)

Martha My Dear (Brad Mehldau) From Day is Done. 

She's Leaving Home (Brad Mehldau) The Day is Done:

Another one from The Day is Done album. She's Leaving Home is from the legendary Sgt. Pepper and the Lonely Hearts Club Band, written by the Lennon and McCartney team.
A story telling song with great melody (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/She%27s_Leaving_Home)

Brad Mehldau's arrangement isn't far from the original, and sticks true to the traditional Head Solo Head format. Of course his signature left hand right hand conversation is apparent here, with much inner movement of harmony changes. There is a rhythm tacet section where he rips through an ostinasto then back to the head. Amazing shit.

Mother Nature's Son (Brad Mehldau)

This particular version of Mother Nature's Son by Mehldau is played solo in a concert in Argentina. I know of two other versions recorded in his album Largo and also a duet album with Joel Frahm.

There are no youtube uploads for these two versions, thus what I posted here is from the Argentina concert. Amazing as usual. Check out that reaction from the audience. Man, I just wish we could see something like that in KL. But with the gradually idiotic people up there, slim chance. Let's kick them out and get our country moving ahead instead of backwards.

Dear Prudence (Brad Mehldau) Largo:

From White Album again, psychedelic feel kind of song. ]

She's Leaving Home (McCoy Tyner): All Star Tribute

One of my favorite pianists, Mr. McCoy Tyner's version of She's Leaving Home is pleasant and straight forward, with his signature voicings and lines. (Worth check out another tribute album he did, all Burt Bacharach tunes for Impulse! Amazing stuff)

Something (Sarah Vaughan): Sarah Sings the Beatles

Brazilian groove of Something! Written by the great George Harrison (every time he writes, it came out great. But he didn't write that many when he was with Beatles)
Check out this version, the nice whistling counter line, and sexy Portuguese lyrics at the verse.

Can't Buy Me Love (Count Basie): Basie's Beatle Bag

The typical Basie's band explosion, swing you off your chair, the big contrasting sections. The organ a bit dated, but once in awhile, it sounded cool. Damn. Basie is cool.

With A Little Help From My Friend (Count Basie): Basie on the Beatles

A normal trio arrangement, nothing too fancy here. He is usually so under play, but here, he swing hard and played so much. The more I listen, the more it sounded like Oscar Peterson playing, anyone point it out?

The Long and Winding Road (George Benson): All Stars Tribute

Nice string arrangement here. Smooth and slick.

Norwegian Wood (Buddy Rich): Big Swing Face

There are actually so many more versions out there, but due to lack of youtube uploads, I feel reluctant to share the information here.
Oh by the way, The movie: Across the Universe has to be one of the best movies that was inspired by music of Beatles. Check it out. I love some of the re arrangements of songs in the movie.

Great Plays liked Movies

When one flies more than 24 hours and couldn't fall asleep in the economy class's less than spacious seats, one succumbs to pass the time with on board entertainment provided. Even though one's buttocks were in pain, with good movies, these less than glamorous irritations could easily be forgiven. Such was the case after I've seen this unexpectedly great movie. Of course the prerequisite is that, the flight you have decided to fly in provide such selections. (Read somewhere that a first class passenger in the infamous American Airlines was offered, to his great horror, latest selection of 90s movies on VHS tapes wheeled on a cart for his perusal. My friend can't stop laughing when hearing this.)

Those spanking new airlines from the Middle Eastern cities are the best when it came to offering top and newest offerings in movies selections, on their spanking new latest technology big screen touch pad crystal clear personal LCD screens (oil money is might). But you have to be tolerant of kissing scene suddenly jumped to "after action" smoking scene. There are always surprising selections, thus it is always a good time for me to catch up on movies that I longed to watch, or just didn't have the time to watch when I wasn't flying.

This trip to New York, I got to watch this otherwise missed masterpiece, Glengarry Glen Ross. If it wasn't for the glittering cast, I wouldn't even be curious enough to watch this one. By the title of the movie, one wouldn't half guess what it is about. But such a catch! It was essentially a play at first, adapted into a film, starring such glittering cast, one respect these cast's commitment to good script, good direction, and their enjoyment of what they do: acting. I read somewhere that they are not getting paid much for doing this movie, but man, aren't they enjoyed every moment of it, and immersed themselves in the accompaniment of their peers. This is like great jazz, it is not about one person stand out, but rather everybody play together with good interaction, mutual respects and everybody shine!

The cast consists of Al Pacino (his character only enters the scene after about a whole hour), Alec Baldwin (only appears for about 15 minutes, but wow), Ed Harris, Jack Lemmon (I only know his works in those Black & White movies, and JFK, isn't he good!) Kevin Spacey (maybe of the constraint of his character here, he is just like a bassist dutifully doing his job) Just by looking at such list one would be tempted to watch this movie, even if the movie sucks. But this is great one!

I always find it hard to immerse myself into lengthy, conversation and narration based movies on the plane, simply because such environment isn't prone to deep concentration to dialogues. I would rather watch some action flicks without having to listen to anything being said on the screen. But this particular movie had me absorbed throughout.

Rather than spoil the movie for you, I suggest you to watch it if you have the chance.

Which brought me to my fascination to Movies with Minimal set, or rather movies that are like Plays.
Here is one of my favorite, 12 Angry Men:

What a treat, such simple story line, only one location (maybe several, but most of the happening was in that jury's room) and 12 amazing actors, amazing script and dialogues. Damn! Just by thinking of it, I would want to watch this again. Must see if you are into movies.

Of course one wouldn't forget the powerhouse Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf:

Amazing Elizabeth Taylor before her name is equaled to that woman that married for 8 times and each time is proportionately more disastrous than the last time. This is of course a movie that is adapted from a play. Watching this, I would love to have seen the play somehow. This is also one of the three movies, that all the cast on screen were nominated for Oscar nominations.

For some reason, I love Lars Von Triers's stuff. Over the years, I would try to appreciate his output, some I genuinely like, some I would save for later time. But this particular movie (but positively Play, stripped down Play) is amazing. The message, the lesson is clear, but disturbing. The sequel to this movie, Manderlay is equally disturbing with another set of message.

Both movies are anti-movie to the extreme. There are no set, no props, no nothing. Only a stages with chalked lines outlining spaces. They are even more stripped down than a stage play!
Without spoiling the movies for you, I recommend these very much, and I am sure they would open up your world even more, maybe for better or for worse....

By the way, if you haven't find out about Lars von Triers yet, please find his stuff. They are powerful and fresh. Try:

Breaking the Wave
Dancer in the Dark
Antichrist
Melancholia

 My world isn't the same anymore after these movies, or after some of those mind blowing Japanese or Korean movies, or Akira Kurosawa, or Ozu Yasujiro, or Ang Lee, or Christopher Nolan, or Martin Scorcessee, or Sophia Coppola or........

Cherish Life with Wonderful Art. 

何芸妮：靡靡之音，邓丽君经典爵士乐

终于出版了，制作了近半年的时间。

从去年中的靡靡之音演唱会开始，一直到这个月专辑出版，对这个计划都在步步为营。刚开始接受这个企划时，当然是充满希望，同时也是怀疑是否人们能够接受这样大胆的计划？碰邓丽君多年来人人会唱，耳熟能详的金曲等于是进入了禁区。接二连三来的批评都是：破坏了原来歌曲的美感，歌手的声音都不像邓丽君的，改到不伦不类。
不过说真的，爵士乐就是秉持着在经典歌曲上面重新创作的精神，这才叫做爵士乐。如果跟原版一样的话，就叫做口水歌（中文报章都喜欢叫这专辑口水歌，可是却不正确。这是爵士乐，来，大家跟我一起念：爵---士---乐！！！）

爵士乐的精神就是在人人都熟悉的曲子上面，由音乐家的重新想象出发来重新演绎，重新创造，重新赋予新生命。其实想象一下如果音乐就好像是生活一样：我们过生活的方式一定跟爷爷过生活的方式不一样，对吗？可是我们都是在过生活啊，对吗？这就是爵士乐的精神。
太抽象了？
那么我们试试看：

梁山伯祝英台的故事大家都知道吧？

影视界当中一共有七个不同的版本，年代上面的不一样，处理剧情的方式也不一样，可是说的是完全一样的故事，对吗？每个新的时代对待这个故事都有他们自己的看法。而爵士乐就是这么一回事。
同样的一首歌，比如说”泪的小雨“， 邓丽君的版本是非常70年代感觉的。那个 “当当当当当当”的节奏，那个Saxophone 的音色（非常福建歌的音色），吉他的音色，等等都很清楚的构成这个版本的 ”泪的小雨“是属于那个时代的（就连视觉上的效果也是非常那个年代，拍的照片都会朦朦的，口红画成红红的）。我并不是批评那个年代的音乐（反而觉得他们就是有个别的特色，好过惨谈无色）而是觉得，如果要21世纪的何芸妮唱这首歌的话，不可能以上世纪70年代的声音来给她伴奏；就像我不可能像我爷爷时代指腹为婚一样（同样是结婚，两个时代的做法是不一样的）

那么爵士乐又只是随随便便改个风格就可以了吗？我的出发点都是以歌曲的主题为主。
 “泪的小雨”是首伤感的歌曲，泪流下，在雨中分离：其实蛮适合比较摇滚蓝调的感觉，那种想呐喊的感觉，对我来说都在在的以摇滚蓝调的感觉在我脑海里盘旋。在决定了感觉后，吩咐鼓手以最基本的摇滚蓝调节奏来击鼓，不需要太多。其他乐器也都是演奏非常基本的节奏，就是要描绘那个小雨在顽固的下，不太多表情。而芸妮的唱法就在这个茫茫小雨中嘶喊，发泄歌曲中的压抑情感；渐渐小雨也强了起来，泪似乎也多了。。。。。
我相信音乐是需要很有画面感的。

而南海姑娘的编曲更是向两位作曲家致敬：马来西亚的作曲家汤尼（南海姑娘）以及The Girl From Ipanema 的巴西作曲家Antonio Carlos Jobim。这两位处在世界以南的作曲家（马来西亚华人处在当时中华文化掌握主动权的台湾以南，而巴西则处在西方世界的南方）不约而同的眼光射向向淡淡哀愁的南海姑娘。

虽然无可考据，不过我天马行空的想象是：The Girl From Ipanema首 先出现（1960年代）。这首歌曲说的是在沙滩上走着的漂亮女孩，虽然她吸引了许多人的目光，可是她却若有所思的走向海边。虽然主人翁想向她表达爱意，她的眼神却投往他方。
这首曲子在当时轰动乐坛，专辑还差点赢得当时的Grammy Award (败给了英伦旋风The Beatles) 所以在马来西亚可能是听得到的，不过当然是在小圈子里面流行吧。而写南海姑娘的汤尼先生可能就喜欢这首曲子，而灵机一动，写下了以马来西亚风情衬托的一首隽永歌曲：同样的哀愁，同样的思念着远方的那个人，虽然观察者都给予她多多的赞美，她还是不为所动而继续忧伤下去。

同样美丽的两位南海姑娘，串联起来中西合拼，唱出不同的风情：爵士乐就是这么自由的承载体。在这个版本中我们甚至请来了巴西的歌手与敲击乐手Valtinho Anastacio 参与我们的录制工作，带来原汁原味的巴西节奏。

不过说起来，爵士乐除了聆听，其实还得有个旷阔的想象力，许多有趣的小东西就隐藏在编曲，唱法，即兴演奏，节奏，甚至典故当中。一些联想，一点想象力，音乐可以突然超越只是声音的境界。（当然不只是音乐，所有的艺术都是如此吧）


能够有幸完成这个企划，背后许多人的付出，努力，功不可没。
希望你会喜欢。

2012 年极忙碌的开始，似乎是好的开始？

2011 年是充实的。
忙碌，可是却似乎有做了些有意义的事。
读了许多许多觉得有趣的书，看了一些不错的电影，觉得至少增长了些见识。
游览了好多的地方，沉淀了不少。
而且终于安定下来了，虽然人还是分两地。

很期待2012年到底会是怎样的一年。至少如果世界末日的话，可以多做些什么事才一起玩完。
如果是的话，希望有点确实的消息咯。

忙碌的开始，可以看到前方有些有趣的东西！

2012 年 农历新年

2012年的农历新年是在家过的。在过去的几年都因为工作的关系，和尽量避开放年假的回乡交通而没有在家吃除夕的年夜饭。今年决定了不再接这些工作而得以在年二十九就上路了。路上车子比想象中的少，不过还是在一些路段稍微多点车子。倒霉的是在休息站的时候路墩撞破了轮胎，换上后备胎上路，小心开到马六甲。

忘了在哪里读到的一段句子，说的是出外多年后回乡，开始觉得以前小时候以为终生总会流连的家，不可能会离开的家，无法想象还会有另外一个家的老家，开始变成那么陈旧，那么陌生了。我开始有这个感受了。这个我曾经在里面做梦的家，这个我经历了人生开始的十数载的家，这个我曾经以为很难会离开的家，现在看起来好多东西都破落了；家具都破败了，书本都发霉了，电器都过时了，曾经的梦也达到了而不足以哂了，父母也衰老了。曾经是那么凶，激进，不耐烦，令我充满恐惧感的父亲（简直就是贾宝玉对他父亲的态度一样，一听到父亲的声音回家就先无趣了），现在衰老的身躯看起来不堪一击，态度也已经大大转变。曾经什么都是他对到完，现在却充满了战战兢兢，说话中气似乎也不足了。母亲曾经巨人一样的身躯，在我留学后归家突然发现她怎么突然眼角下垂了？怎么好像突然间老了许多？两个曾经是两个极端的性格的人在多年前被双方家长凑在一起而结合，在后来谈起时所谓“没有感情的结合”，在我们四个兄弟姐妹诞生后被无可奈何的锁在一起，一直过了三十五个年头。他们的关系可能也是千千万万个上一代的婚姻一样，若即若离；多少个年头充满了多少的无奈，多少的斗气，多少的忍气吞声，多少的被压抑的希望。好像什么时候就会突然断掉的姻缘，在过了三十多年后的现在，好像两个人找到那个默契了，两老似乎开始以他们三十多个年头练习好了的舞步来走下去。
很多时候还是为父亲的固执而生气，时常回家都遇上些受不了的事情而赶紧砍断时间而选择离开（这是还没有独立时非常期望的奢侈，可以选择离开）可是常常又都回想是否自己太过敏感和太过偏见。记得一次在很生气父亲的一意孤行后选择离开，可是上了车后却又懊悔而头涔涔泪潸潸起来。
父母亲的姻缘再怎么美化都很难说是美满的婚姻，一方太过的霸道而另一方太过的软弱；两个截然不同，甚至是偏激的两极性格，价值观和世界观都背道而驰；很奇怪的竟然可以维持了三十多年。当然要谢谢他们的坚持，为了我们儿女。可是我有时会想象，如果他们没有坚持的话，我们的生活，我们的人生观，我们的性格是否会有不同。

无可否认的是，造就今天的我是来自这两极的双亲；只是希望他们可以快乐，而什么是快乐，就只有他们去定义了。

新年回家其实就是吃和睡，往常的生活中午睡是奢侈的，不过在老家过年的期间几乎每天都午睡一番，起来就吃，累了又睡。真是养猪的生活。有时不想回老家也是这个原因吧：失去了奋斗的动力。可能是借口。

老妈说，最开心的事是你们可以回来团聚。听了真的挺难过的，这个小得可怜的愿望竟然可以令老妈开心了，而我还真是不孝，对不起了。
从小在家里的时候其实就一直期望要出去，离开这个充满压迫感的家。虽然当时的想法却很矛盾的认为可能永远不会离开；因为根本想像不到怎样离开。离开了后，好多年都跟老家若即若离的，就像跟父亲的关系也是若即若离；现在在外组织了自己的家，跟老家更是远了。就像刚才说到的，回家后感觉很多的东西都破旧了，窄小了。

有教训吗？有结束前的感想吗？没有。生活上哪来那么多的教训和感想？还不只是新年发发牢骚？照片也都是九不搭八的。